


Just Don't Hump My Leg, Okay?

by theblasphemouscontessa



Series: Best Friend Rights and Responsibilities [3]
Category: Fantastic Four, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Friendship Contract, M/M, Sharing a Bed, lol platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-27 23:48:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5069614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theblasphemouscontessa/pseuds/theblasphemouscontessa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It's like The Day After Tomorrow out there. I don't want you to die."<br/>"I heal too fast for frostbite."<br/>"I don't want to deal with your usual morning crankiness if it's been amplified by a night of sleeping rough and increased appetite from prolonged healing."<br/>"Wow 5 point vocabulary word."</p><p>Rule 2. We sleep in the same bed.</p><p>There is no shame in not freezing to death in your sleep.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Don't Hump My Leg, Okay?

**Author's Note:**

> I've got a basic idea of what's going to happen with this series. Basically every fic is going to be an instance or two of a time when one of the rules applied. With room left open for more chapters as progressively more ridiculous things happen? There is no real timeline for these.

**2\. We sleep in the same bed.**

You are a literal human space heater. If we are trapped in an ice dimension, or New Jersey overnight we are sleeping as close together as possible.

* * *

 

"Norway?"

"Norway."

"We are in Norway."

"We are in Norway. And due to circumstances entirely outside of our control our ride is not arriving for at least sixteen hours."

"Because they decided to go to Mars."

"Mars."

"Are you going to keep repeating everything or help me build a shelter?"

"Why don't we just hike to the nearest airport? Or heck, you could fly home!" 

"But you can't and I can't carry you."

"Swoonworthy as I'm sure that would be."

"I'm incredibly manly and attractive. Anyone would go weak at the knees for me."

"I think it's more out of pity, really."

"Shut up and hold this."

"When did you even learn these mad outdoorsman skills of yours, anyway?"

"Oh here and there."

"Johnny Storm, ladies and gentlemen, international man of mystery."

"..."

"Keep that up and I wont let you in my lean-to."

"Your lean-to? And I can set myself on fire, I think I'll be okay. You'd just be punishing yourself."

 

* * *

"Your heater is busted."

"I'm aware."

"Your heater is busted and you wont come stay the night at the Baxter Building for identity reasons."

"Accurate."

"That's why I'm here."

"To force me to spend the night somewhere with adequate insulation?"

"Either that or I'm staying here. With you."

"That model dumped you, huh?"

"No! It was mutual. Besides I'm here to do you a favor. Old buddy, old pal old friend of mine."

"You haven't slept alone in years, have you?"

"It's like _The Day After Tomorrow_ out there. I don't want you to die."

"I heal too fast for frostbite."

"I don't want to deal with your usual morning crankiness if it's been amplified by a night of sleeping rough and increased appetite from prolonged healing."

"Wow 5 point vocabulary word."

"See, this is why no one likes you."

"Only people who spend the night with me have to deal with my morning crankiness."

"..."

"Okay fine. Enough with the face. You can stay."

"I knew you would eventually succumb to my charms."

"Did Sue buy you a dictionary or did you pick up all this vocabulary listening to evil monologues."

"I know you are only trying to distract me from how grateful you are for my incredibly selfless offer."

"Whatever. Just don't hump my leg, okay?"


End file.
